Drinking Ugly Juice From My Ugly Boot: Why you must embrace imperfections
On the left page dated 3/2/2016, the middle cluster of squiggles is where it started. I was trying to work with my usual flow but it was not feeling right. It felt an “ugly” booger to me and I wanted to stop. I’m not sure which illustration was the next step but eventually I threw my hands up and stopped trying to be a perfectionist. I tried to purposefully draw ugly figures and prioritize the creativity rather than have a plan. The theme was becoming clear and I began to lean into it with the Ugly Boot to the right. Then I remembered a quote I read on Tumblr from Janice Lee’s novel Daughter “Draw a monster. Now, why is it a monster?”. This quote can be taken lightly but honestly when I first read it, I was heavily considering what makes a monster to me and why. Is it deeply terrifying or is it just “ugly”. Did I not like my art at the moment because it wasn’t good, or because I had no control? My favorite touch on this page is the blueberry boy at the top, yawning, with his speech bubble pouring out some liquid. Maybe we can call it ugly juice.
On the right page dated 3/3/2016, I decided to carry on with the same carefree mentality with these doodles. Chances are I was most likely creating them during class, what’s the point of getting frustrated when this was supposed to be relieving stress. I remember the top net of swirls feeling hypnotizing & putting me in a trance like state for a mere second. The ‘lil guy at the bottom is my absolute favorite because I don’t draw characters often but when I do, they always make me laugh. He has banana clogs for feet, no arms, one eye with a bushy brow, and is completely unbothered. I think he’s doing quite alright, standing tall in his clogs.
Present day I have a fun time looking back at these two pages. When it comes to anything I produce the perfectionist tendencies grow stronger. This feeling is more prominent when it comes to my visual art. Last year I even started my hiatus from painting with acrylics or watercolors because I wasn’t having fun anymore. The focus was no longer about how much fun I could have, instead it became all about other people & grabbing everyone else’s attention. There wasn’t a concrete time on how long this hiatus would last, I just knew I wanted to release myself from the pressure and rediscover who I am.
After taking some time, I found my love for creating again in crocheting! Which was completely unexpected but totally welcomed. Crocheting allowed me to tap into my need to some visual structure via patterns, but I was still able to have fun with the colors and all the endless possibilities. Literally imagine anything, add the word “crochet” to the end, and google it. I’m 1,000% sure it exists.
I say all this to express my gratitude for knowing when to take a break and let go. Back in 2016 with these doodles, I could have easily gotten upset with what I created and stopped my once-a-day streak right there. But instead I embraced the funk and carried on instead of being stubborn. I can share this same sentiment with current times and my crocheting. When I say I took a break in 2021, I mean multiple months. During that time it felt so good to reconnect with my interests and what makes me tick. I spent a lot of time playing video games and connecting with others. Then one day in 2022 I started crocheting bags in under 2-3 days and I was hooked all over again.
Eventually I know I will get back into painting but I’m in no rush. The unnecessary sense of urgency is not healthy for my body. Right now I am trying to focus on the present and what makes me feel good, while learning to embrace imperfections in all facets of life.
